My head is messed up!Please help..?

Okay so this is kind of a long!When i were 14 i fell so deeply in love wih a lad a few years older than me,we used to ge really close but never had because my brother and sisters didn't like the idea of it and i were not ready t the time!And plus he was the kind to play mind games,which made it even harder,anyway i eventually found someone else and this one i fell for ended up going out with my older sister for over a year or maybe longer but eventually it endedWell anyway i had to carry on as normal while they were together but after they finished i started seeing him(no still)and my sister found out which were not good so we drifted apart(me and my sister we very close)and i reretted all of that afterwards..But now i'm 18,4 years later i still find myself thinking about him,i last saw him propley a year ago and spoke a few months ago,but the problem is i have an amazing boyfriend who ive been with for just gone a year and i dont know what to do,i love him so much but my head gets messed up!My current boyfriend is the one i want to be with but i find myself wanting the other one sometimes and it hurts alot,i knew when i were 14-15 i wanted to be with that other one but things kept us apart and he messed me about.This prob does not make much sense lol but i would really appreciate some advice..I dont wanna be without my current bf but i cant help wonderin..WHAT IF!!He was my first love,and i dont think ill ever get over him.If i ever left my bf i know id regret it cos he's the best thing thats ever happened to me